Salopian Walk

Salopian Brewery Trip 4th–6th July 2013 Up for it were: Jaycee, Keithee, Anytime Tone, Jacko, Yuppy, Mr Tahoohigh, Ali G, Granpop Bill, Dasher, Pedro, Mothy, Roadrunner, Stand Back Dave and Debris. Thursday 4th July Bus buddies Keithee, Mr Tahoohigh and Jacko met Pedro and Ali G at Newcastle Bus Station to catch the bus to Shrewsbury. The bus which had just come from Shrewsbury, should have gone to Hanley and back to Newcastle, but had broken down because it had run out of water. Pedro who was a truck macomic in a previous incarnation pontificated that cold water could not be used as the engine was warm and to use a technical term “it would bugger it up”. So we waited for a man to come from Hanley who was authorized to fill it up with approved First Bus Company hot water. Fortunately this only delayed us three quarters of an hour and at least one pint. Panic set in before we started as Pedro lost his wallet. No one had ever seen it and nobody knew what it looked like. However, Mr Fagin Tahoohigh recognized it by a white five pound note taped to its inside and ‘inadvertently’ put it in his own pocket. Eventually the bus set off for Market Drayton with a chorus of ‘You’ve got to pick a pocket or two’. We should have met Mothy at Loggerheads but we didn’t, as we were running late and Mothy thinking he was late got Mrs Mothy to drive like a maniac to Market Drayton where we did. No such problem with Anytime Tone even though it was mid-week (ish). After a pleasant journey to Shrewsbury we eventually caught up with the rest of the lads and one Debri outside the Shrewsbury Inn, and booked all the best rooms. There was a bit of drama with some confusion about the number of rooms booked, however it was soon sorted and the lads paired up in a room sharing way except for Jacko who slept in a cupboard adjacent to Mr Tahoohigh and Ali’s room.


	As a first move (about 100 yards up the road actually) the lads popped into the nearby CAMRA approved, Salop Inn, for a quick one. Ali G recommended the Fyne Ales ………. which by all accounts seemed to go down very well, particularly with the pork pies which were also very good. It was a ‘Fyne’ day so it was decided to adjourn to the nearby beer garden on the pavement outside to soak up some fumes, since this beer garden was on the footway next to the main road!

Later that evening, high on fumes, beer and pork pies, we set off for a walk to the Salopian Brewery and arrived in a mere three quarters of an hour and what would have done for an office walk. The man who should have taken us round had the sense to have the afternoon off, thus landing us with the Managing Director who had the pleasure of looking after us. We had a very short talk and tour before he realized that we had heard it all before and anyway he probably noticed Mr Tahoohigh swaying on the edge of his cleaning bath and clearly thought there’d be too much paper work to fill in if somebody drowned in there and so we headed for more beer and buffet. This was in the executive suite (an old out building at the side of an even older office with a couple of settees and some chairs rescued from a care home). Mr Tahoohigh distracted him with idle brewing talk and ended up completely out of his brains while the rest sensibly scoffed all the buffet and drink. Mr Tahoohigh then continued the verbal onslaught with MD firmly trapped behind the bar well into the evening.












Dasher finally took the bull by the horns and collected contributions the evenings fees. In Mr Tahoohigh’s Salopian-addled world, Granpop Bill appeared to be a little unsteady on his feet on the return walk (oh yes really), so Mr Tahoohigh, who was definitely unsteady both on his feet and in his head, held a firm grasp of Granpop Bill’s right arm and assisted him back to Wetherspoons.




Granpop Bill seemed fine the next morning but Mr Tahoohigh had no recollection of this (or most of the previous evening, including lying on his bed in his underpants like Cleopatra going on about how Granpop Bill got him home!) suspecting the Salopian Oracle made have interfered somehow with his memory. There was definitely something in the air as we were walking back (not that! that was later). Ali could smell it from a 100 yards back. It was Yup’s chips. So completely losing interest in Mr Tahoohigh’s welfare or crab like walking, decided Yup (and chips) would be much better company.

Friday 5th July The rooms were very comfortable and the breakfasts were very good at Wetherspoons, however we had a train to catch. We caught the train to Church Stretton and met Roadrunner and Standback Dave on the platform. A couple of group shots were taken; one including Ali G and one with Anytime Tone. Magic.


The walk consisted of a stroll up Caer Cadoc across The Lawley (which is a nice name for two bloody great hills) to Great Ryton. However the greatness of these hills probably depended on your level of fitness. Most of the group galloped of at a pace up Caer Cadoc but Mr Tahoohigh and Ali G walked/climbed very slowly to give the hill and their hearts the respect they deserved but mostly to be able to catch their breath. Having got to the top of Caer Cadoc a brief stop was taken and Jaycee offered round the ‘County Wounty Bounty Bars’. After admiring the view we scrambled / abseiled to the bottom to return to the same level we started. Along the way we seemed to acquire a sheep dog which decided to do as sheep dogs do and started to round up some sheep. But at least that got shut of it, clearly the dog preferred the excitement and challenge of rounding up sheep to rounding up a bunch of old farts on an away day. Perhaps distracted by the nutty dog some of the group hardly seemed to notice there were hills at all, and as mentioned some of us struggled and one bloody great hill was enough. In fairness to the Yupmeister, like with pies, one’s never enough, so he continued on for a bite of the second ‘summit’ with the fitter folks of the bunch. Apparently this is part of the Shrewsbury Way from Church Stretton to Shrewsbury. The route is very popular with SAS survival training groups, the Army and people running up and down hills in their vest and underpants in extreme weather conditions. So, in front of us stood The Lawley, another stroll to the top then back down again. Those of us who could read maps and had had enough of big hills realized it was not necessary to go over the top and repeat the previous climb and so walked the level path alongside. You couldn’t see owt, but the view up the hill was great. Meanwhile in the spirit of the Grand old Duke of York the others went up and over; overtaking Graham Turner and his Shrewsbury Football team.
















Eventually, and slightly later than 2 pm, we reached the pub for lunch (The Fox at Great Ryton) and very nice it was too, both beer and food a welcome treat after the walk. We met Pedro and Keithee who were sliding under a table outside the Fox in the warm August sunshine. Both appeared to have consumed the recommend 2 units of alcohol a day (and the rest of the week). Unfortunately somebody had decided to have a bit of an accident on the A49 resulting in every motorist and his dog/combine harvester /tractor using the narrow country lanes which ruled out the planned bus trip back to good old Shrewsbury. We witnessed a stand-off between some hooray henry in an open top sports car and a JCB. The sports car reversed very quickly when the JCB lowered his bucket and revved up.






With the help of ‘the nice lad behind the bar’ we managed to summon up a fleet of taxis to get us back to Shrewsbury. Not only that, the landlady, in an act of charity, volunteered to keep the pub open. So all’s well that ends well as they say. We got back to Wetherspoons by taxi about 5ish for a quick freshen up, then out on the town again for a quick drink at the 3 Fishes Inn near the Bear Steps which again was an exceptional pint in an exceptional pub before strolling off for the curry. After the curry some headed for a last drink at the Nag’s Head, and some concluded with a last one at the Wethers before heading up the wooden hills in readiness for home on Saturday. So another cracking do, walk and weather, with cracking ale and cracking food, and for Mr Tahoohigh a cracking head where Ali G hit him with a chair in the night to shut him up! Saturday 6th Aug Breakfast at Wetherspoons, then back to Stoke (some on the same bus that broke down before) for the Stokees, whilst Stubby took the Westbury lads home. Cheers Mr Tahoohigh (Notes by Mr Tahoohigh with a little light embellishment from Yuppers)